The Noodle Curtain

Thailand fades, life moves on to Vietnam

I miss writing my blog. It’s been eight months and in all that time I could have written many more pieces. But I lost interest in my host country, Thailand.

I wrote 290 posts in exactly three years.  It was good for me because it kept up the writing urge, helped me keep my skills polished and gave me a sharper eye for what’s going on in Thailand and in several nearby countries. But I quit posting on Behind the Noodle Curtain in July 2011. 

Even in the one or two months previous, I knew my days in Bangkok were numbered despite only arriving to live full-time in the autumn  of 2010. I’d started travelling even more, to other parts of Thailand, Laos and Cambodia. I found satisfaction in Phnom Penh. But it took four or five visits over a very short period of a few months to consider living here, where I’m writing my last post for Behind the Noodle Curtain.

At the end of August 2011, a second trip of the year to the Cambodian capital opened my eyes. I liked the serene pace of the low-profile city, the wide boulevards, no doubt remnants of the French colonial period, and the trees and the colourful buildings, the boulevard medians ornamented by trees, bushes and flowers. Then there’s the easy-going people and the genuine smiles.

I also enjoyed the western restaurants and bars, with cheap, plentiful food and drinks. You could get good bread and croissants, too! Rent and electricity were about on par with Thailand. And, to be honest, it’s not too far from Bangkok if I wanted to hook up with my great friends there.

The tipping points last fall -- the two were almost simultaneous -- were the fast dwindling water and food supplies in flood-threatened Bangkok where nothing seemed to be done about it and the lure of the best girl I’ve ever met in eight years of travelling and living in Southeast Asia.

Yes, there’s a lot more to my disaffection with Thailand but I really can’t write it here, mostly because Behind the Noodle Curtain stays away from politics, which most farang writers of any kind and level are well advised to do due to oversensitive authorities.

This post also marks my last few days in Cambodia. I am moving to the Mekong Delta of Vietnam. From Toronto to Bangkok, to Phnom Penh. Now to a tiny village in the rice basket of Vietnam. Big change is in the air. I am seriously considering marriage for the first time in my life. And I’m also starting a business career. Two biggies!

More important though is that I will be able to finally pursue my fascination with Vietnam, its people, its culture and its language by living in their midst. Somehow, some way, years ago I thought I’d always end up in Vietnam. I have visited several times,  Hanoi and Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City), plus several visits to my girlfriend’s Mekong Delta village, near Chau Doc, An Giang province.

Google Maps link to Chau Doc town, An Giang province

But years before, I developed this unnatural interest in Vietnam. In my home city in Canada, I hung out in Vietnamese (Chinatown) enclaves, enjoyed Vietnamese food, bought videos in Viet stores, had haircuts there, watched many Viet movies or Hollywood movies set in Vietnam, dabbled in Vietnamese language studies, read books on the history, researched online sites both independent and government approved. Somehow, based partly on the people’s history of throwing off aggressors, I grew to respect their culture.

The Vietnamese are also very industrious, hard working, smart, numerous -- about 90 million now on Viet soil with 150,000 (2001 census) to 200,000 (just my guess) in my home country of Canada. And it’s one of the last “communist” nations on earth.

Who knows where these strange notions come from.  Maybe it’s a sympathetic side of me, trying to symbolically apologize for our allies nearly destroying their country.  Maybe it’s because I noticed Vietnam-made clothing and shoes are well made.  Or maybe it was the mind-stopping  beauty of Vietnamese girls in their traditional multi-layered pant/dress outfits (ao dai).

In the end, I will keep this Thailand blog open for some time because it does seem to attract 100 to 200 readers a day. Also, I will begin a new blog on my Vietnam experiences, Nine Dragons Village [Link de-activated]. And, the business aspect comes about via opening the one and only western bar in Chau Doc, a crossroads town for travelling foreigners between the Phnom Penh and Saigon.  [Welcome Bar closed permanently]

Good luck to all travellers in Southeast Asia. It’s bound to unlock the mind.

Update Sept. 8, 2013: The links to Nine Dragons Village and Welcome Bar have been de-activated since the blogs and restaurant business were discontinued in early 2012. My apologies.

Pays to ask for hotel tips in Phnom Penh

There is a full range of hotels and prices in Phnom Penh and  I set out to try  three when I stayed for nine days earlier this year. I also review one I’d stayed at during an earlier visit.

It's not until you get on teh ground for a few days that you find the deals, just as I did in my final few days, thanks to an expat resident.

A popular location for visitors to the epicentre of the night life  is the Flamingos Hotel on Street 172 near 51 (lovely interior shown below). The place is only five years old and I’m afraid it’s showing its age already. I thought the rooms small, including the so-called Deluxe one at $30 US a night, wherein there was enough room to circle the bed on foot, with a bit more room at the standup wood closet.

There was only one reachable electrical plug and it was across the room from the desk and chair. The wi-fi signal was hard to snag; sometimes taking 1 to 2 minutes to get through. I also kept getting cut off by a lost connection. I would have to reactivate by trying another floor router. Once going, thoughput seemed to be fairly good.

The bathroom was compact, to say the least. The towels were threadbare and so was the bedding, with only a too-short thin cotton blanket covering the mattress. No duvet or wool/synthetic cover. I can understand it a bit because of the non-stop couples traffic.

Being in the bar and disco area brought its rewards and drawbacks. Of the latter, you could hear the pounding beat at the new nearby disco, Pontoon, all night one night. Since the hotel is near Street 51, which is home to many hostess bars and Heart of Darkness disco, some of which don’t close till dawn, you are bound to hear voices and music punctuate the heavy nighttime air. However, it didn’t really bother me, since I live in 24-hour Bangkok.

On the plus side were the code-your-own safe and blade-type door key that would be hard to pick. The desk, bar and airport pickup/valet staff were fantastic. And it has to be said the customers coming and going seemed to be a happy lot, which is as much to do with the town as the hotel I should think. A popular spot is the rooftop bar, which I never made it to.

While frequently occupying a stool at Walkabout Cafe, one of the local girls told me the owner had built a nearby hotel called The Blue Tongue (night shot above). It was very nice and guest friendly. Indeed it was, so I booked two nights. I checked out of Flamingos, walked a few metres down Street 172, away from the river, turned left up arterial Street 51 to 174, crossed to the west side of 51, turned right around Walkabout and not 50 metres up 174 is Blue Tongue.

The rooms are fresh, new, simple, spacious, well lit by sunken pot lights and table lamp and with good natural light. The bed mattress, king size, was beautiful to sleep on. It had high quality bedding, pillows and blankets, plus a pair of colourful throw cushions.

I chose the Superior room for its large shuttered window but it seemed to me there was little difference between it and the Standard room, except the lounging chair and table and slot-like windows for natural light.

The Deluxe room’s highlight was the huge bathroom’s rain shower head and handsome flooring and fixtures. The towels were luxurious, basin materials top quality, and lighting perfect. The room rate was a minimally discounted to $35, versus standard $38.

However, the hotel did not have an in-room safe. You had to deposit your valuables in the locker at the front desk and take a key. This is problematic, since if you forget your passport or cash, you have to return. Also, I managed to check out without my passport. I went to the next hotel without it and  had to get another tuk-tuk back to the Blue Tongue. Desk staff should have asked if I had anything in the locker.

I was visiting a friend on St. 200 and he recommended the Comfort Star 2 hotel nearby on 200 (picture at top). Good choice especially at the price.

The hotel entrance and lobby are plain but that’s not where you lay your head. The room choices were single  ($18 US a night) and double ($22).

My single room had a king size bed, with redundant light controls in bed panels and bed reading lamps. Excellent! I also remember the air-con machine was remote enough so  you didn’t have to suffer all-night drafts. But I can’t remember where it was affixed.

The room had plentiful space. The furniture was of good quality, with large TV, beside a desk and table with enough room for papers and laptop. The mini fridge was hidden away and held a few reasonably priced drinks. Other furniture was also of good quality.

Lighting was excellent although not of the stylish quality of the Blue Tongue. The washroom  was large, with a vertical stall for the shower. Overall, it was a very roomy place, one you could stay in for several days.

The location was ideal: quiet but you were only 2 minutes to St. 51 and 10 minutes on foot  to 51 bars, restaurants and clubs, as well as other cross streets leading to the river front near the FCC club, albeit a good 20 minute walk at least.

I know for sure Flamingos and Comfort Star will pick you up from the airport and deliver you free.

In another visit, I stayed at the Lone Star Saloon, which has several huge, well appointed rooms above. Rates were $25 and $30, the latter for a truly huge room with beautiful flooring,  bed, washroom and large balcony,. The American-style Saloon has very good food and a fine selection of beers and liquors. And a great staff.

The thing I don’t like, and it’s the same for many other bars that have guest rooms, is that you have to walk through the bar to get to the stairs leading to the few rooms. Guests of the traveller are not too happy about that either.

And last, I didn't stay at the newly built Na Na Hotel (picture at bottom), but several expats said, and I confirmed, brand new rooms start at  $15 a night. I saw one and it was quite small. But at $15 and a great location, St. 154, not more than 10 minutes  from the Central Market and Soriya Mall, you could do a lot worse. The hotel web site says it's 5 minutes to the river side. if you were The Flash, maybe. Try 15 minutes at least.

I found Comfort Star delivered the best value for the U.S. buck and wasn’t far away at all. But, Phnom Penh has many good hotels. I just think you don’t have to pay $25 to $35 a night (800 baht to 1100 baht).

Phnom Penh fun but Khmer New Year empties capital

I didn’t know a city could be so empty like Phnom Penh is during the Khmer New Year, which was yesterday, the 14th, with more holiday time Friday and Saturday.

 
Teems of Khmer have gone back to countryside from where they came. And there’s probably tens of thousands of them since nearly every shop was closed Wednesday, New Year's Eve, through Friday; the massive Central and Russian markets had some shop activity,  and some major bars were shut, such as Martini's. There were far fewer moto taxi and tuk-tuk drivers shouting “hello sir” -- yes they do that here, as opposed to Bangkok, where they usually say nothing, beginning or end of trip.

I got up around, er, sometime, and walked past four of my usual coffee shops. All closed. Thank Buddha for Walkabout, which never shuts, I think. Only a handful of girls there, too, Wednesday through Friday, compared with Tuesday’s full house.

Yep, it was going to be a dull couple of days, at least till Saturday. 

     

     

 

 

Other notes:

HOTEL JUGGLING: I’m on my third hotel in my nine-day, eight-night trip. It’s not as nice as $35 US a night one I left Wednesday this week, but it’s large, quiet, clean, nicely appointed, has desk and table for laptop, has free wi-fi and breakfast, free street transport if you stay more than one night but is very central as it’s between north-south arterials Street 51 and 63 -- and has great friendly staff. All for $18 a night at Comfort Star 2 Hotel on Street 200. Takes Visa, too. My first hotel, Flamingos, was $30.

STREET CHAOS: To understand Phnom Penh traffic customs (they drive on right as in Canada), you have to expect motorcyclists and some cars to cut across your bow, whether pedestrian or oncoming traffic. It’s probably why cars and bikes go so slow and at a  consistent speed. Sudden forward acceleration will cause great chaos and probably fatalities. Expect someone to cut in front at the slimmest opportunity. What I didn’t expect, or simply forgot to add into my mental safety cocoon, a couple of times was nearly getting clipped by a cutter from behind. I crossed Norodom (wide north-south arterial), looking repeatedly left and right and forward and behind into the intersection at 178. (There are only a handful of intersections with lights -- like it matters! I hope you don’t think motorists pay attention to the few crosswalks and pedestrian signals -- hahahahaha!)

As I judged flow to be predictable enough, I started to cross, when I felt something brush my right forearm. Of course, it was a scooter with three people who cut in front of 178 traffic, headed straight against south-bound traffic flow and tried to slice in behind and between vehicles into  the proper northbound lanes.

Yesterday a friend and I were in a motorcycle tuk-tuk (bike pulling two-wheeled wagon -- comfortable, too). He cut left, as per custom, into oncoming traffic along the side but an oncoming motorbike rider whipped out from behind a vehicle to pass him on the inside right in “our lane”. The rider was not looking forward either, for some reason looking off to where he’d come from. Well, let me say both parties were “surprised”. That was the proverbial close shave. My Canadian friend had a word with our “chauffeur” along the lines of you were in the wrong and endangering our lives!

BAR WARS: I was in Phnom Penh in January, but before that it was six years since my last visit. I swear there are far more bars and expanded night life districts. Comes with a burgeoning (externally supported) economy. The place is booming, Cambodian scale. An evening walk down beautifully redesigned  riverside (Sisowath Quay) showed me just how many dining and drinking establishments have taken root. From Street 178 (near FCC) to 104, bars and restaurants (some very swank) throng the west side of the quay (no buildings or vendors allowed on the river or east side). Bars and eateries fill  some slots down each street. On 104, there are about 20 hostess (read, clip joints) bars in a very short distance of less than 200 metres. Bars line Street 51 around 172 to 154. I’ve read that 136 is another entertainment stretch. There are some stray barang (foreigner) bars: Lone Star on 13, Victoria on 172, The Gym on 178, Sharky on 130 and Martini on 95, the latter two are big pickup bars. And of course, there are loads of Khmer BBQ, karaoke and massage shops around the city.

VERY HAPPY PIZZA: I counted at least four restaurants around the riverside with “Happy xxx xxxx Pizza” in the name. There still are places -- Happy Herb’s Pizza was the original and still operating -- that serve the very special pizza topping, which will put you in a very happy state of mind above and beyond the taste of an ordinary pizza. Yes, the main ingredient would be illegal in Canada.

DRINK CANS: Have you looked at the crud and film that can accumulate on a tinned drink? I rinse and wipe off the tops of tinned drinks before cracking open the pull tab back home. In Cambodia, bar staff meticulously clean the tin tops before serving and do it right in front of the customer. They never do this in Thailand, which is why I rarely order a can of beer, for example. I’ve seen too many old, dusty, grimy cans in Thailand, too.

MALL MAGNET: Phnom Penh has a new shopping centre, simply called City Mall, but locally called Lucky Mall, since the prime tenant and mall operator is Lucky Supermarket; it’s much like Foodland, Villa and TOPS in Thailand. Only far cheaper! A bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label is 680 baht versus 1100 in Bangkok. A tetrapak of Ceres-brand South African juice is 60 baht versus well over 100 baht in BKK. My Mild Seven brand cigs are $10.50 US a carton (315 baht versus 900).

The mall is far from full of tenants but it does offer a lot of small shops as well as some local fast-food outfits such as BB BBQ. There’s also a KFC but no McD. The other big mall, the first one, is Soriya Shopping Centre near the Central Market. Lucky is a more modern, long, wide open-concept place where you can see around to look for particular shops. Soriya, which also has a Lucky Supermarket, is a lot more vertical and therefore not so open to the eye. But I like both of them.

There is also modern Sovanna Mall, which opened three years ago, but I didn’t make it there.

RIEL U.S. MONEY: U.S. dollars and Cambodian riel are the standard currencies. Every cash register spits out both currency totals for whatever you buy. You can blend payments in both currencies, which is not a bad thing. Something that’s $1.25, such as an Angkor draft beer, can be paid as $1 and 1000 riel. Some shop bills will add another 100 to 300 riel to make the exchange more correct (in their favour). There are 4000 riel to the U.S. dollar. You can safely change money for U.S. dollars or riel with the traders on the street at Central Market and Russian Market. Or go to any Bureau de Change, some are on the Sisowath Quay (Riverside). A check of online rates at some major Cambodian banks says to me the street is the way to go. A Canadian friend’s Khmer wife  sticks to the street. Oddly enough, word is they want Canadian dollars for there’s a shortage.

NEW LAND OF SMILES: Thailand may use the tourist phrase but Cambodia takes over the title!  In Cambodia, the smiles never stop. When walking the streets of Phnom Penh, motorcycle taxi and tuk-tuk riders will ask if you want a ride. A polite glance and “No, thank you” will elicit an equally polite smile. Walk up to a hotel desk and the smiles light up all round. A guarantee: if you smile first, you will get an even bigger, friendlier smile. I can’t get enough of them here. I live in Bangkok. I can go for hours without seeing a Thai smile.

PICTURE NOTES: From top, light traffic during Khmer New Year on Sisowath Quay (Riverside), Phnom Penh, Cambodia. The large photo and following six small ones all show Riverside on New Year's Eve. City Mall and motorcycle parking beside the mall on Monireth Blvd., near the Olympic Stadium. No Riverside description would be complete without a "Happy Pizza" picture, this image is of one of my favourite eating places, Happy Phnom Penh Pizza. Out of the photo and to the left, is the Foreign Correspondents Club (FCC). This image shows the third hotel I stayed at, on Street 200 and a scene from the same street. Last below, it's not often the Canadian flag flies amid tropical palm trees.

Reflections from Phnom Penh after dark

I’ve written many things over the past several weeks. I just never published them. I didn’t say what I meant. So they were not worthy of my thoughts, never mind worth reading.

It’s been 17 days since I wrote about Bangkok magician Michel Potts. That was an easy topic and just slid from thought to electronic paper with barely a pause.  It was simple reporting. Writing reflectively, on the other hand, takes multiple starts, rewrites and, ultimately, rejections.

What follows is usually deep disappointment and the wonder that I’ll ever write anything reflective again. The failure usually resides in rather muddy thinking. Just what is it do I want to say? Whatever it is, I need to provide a strong premise, supporting experience, anecdotes  and finally a clincher.

For the heavy stuff, well, another time. This time, I sit writing this on Street 174 in the Blue Tongue Hotel in Phnom Penh. There’s a lovely 10 km/h breeze. Good thing since at 11 o’clock it’s 30 C. It was supposed to be 37 this afternoon. Could have been. Right now here on Streets 174 (near 51), a mother and her teenage daughter are tending to things in their shophouse home, wearing their pyjamas. All visible on the street and a common sight. Stationary cyclo men, three-wheeler jockeys and motorcycle taxi guys compete on busy north-south Street 51. Nearby is Walkabout Cafe pickup bar (they’re all pickup bars . . . ), Shanghai, Heart of Darkness night club, (the new) Pontoon disco, various hostess bars, Zeppelin and Black Cat bars, 24-hour mini-marts, all-night food vendors, hookers and customers, men of no immediately discernible function (yep, you’re probably right if you check their pockets) and residents.

Before Phnom Penh, I was in Pattaya for four days (having only booked two that time) and not long before that I and three friends toured Isaan by car, with a wedding in Sakorn Nakhon in the middle. And there was a before-that, too. Five nights in Chiang Mai and previous to that, one night in Pattaya. These trips all took place January to April. Seems like I like to travel or stay out of Bangkok. My friend Khun Miken makes a strong case for the former. I’m seeing if he’s right.

I can think of a number of things I dislike about Bangkok: multi-lane, expressway-filled inner city with its insane heavy truck, taxi, bus, motorcycle and car traffic; millions of people; crowded, broken, smell-filled, vendor-choked streets I live on and visit; non-stop construction and repair noise; soot-filled, polluted air; and rising prices for everything; and last, a lack of sanuk (happiness of life) among locals and expats.

Things I love: my wonderful friends from all over the world; the clean, cool, quiet BTS Skytrain and MRT subway public transit system; great variety of restaurant and store foods; the you-can-buy-anything brand-name and specialty malls; the magic of the shameless nightlife venues and street bars; and last, the most beautiful (and available) girls in the world who come from all over Thailand.

I sit in my very lovely, modern hotel room in the centre of the nightlife area of Phnom Penh. The hotel is owned by an Australian who also happens to own the Walkabout Cafe bar right next door, a 24-hour freelancer market. I love this bar. It’s basic, but it has decent, cheap food, cheap booze, free pool tables and an (sometimes) impressive array of Khmer and Vietnamese girls who will look after your every need. Did I mention it’s open 24 hours?

The hotel room is $33 US a night, which is 1000 baht. Earlier this evening I met a German expat resident -- he came for six months and stayed three years, so far -- who told me I was paying too much. I thought so too and was going to look for another hotel the next day. I was happy to move to the Blue Tongue because it was so much nicer than the Flamingos on 172 and for the same price, almost. Like Flamingos, I only booked two nights, knowing or at least hoping to get a great tip on a good, cheap hotel. Presto!

  The German  said not five minutes from where we were sitting in a coffee bar on Street 51 (Pasteur) was the Na Na Hotel (no, no, not the Bangkok one and not the same spelling). Brand new. I jumped up and visited. Beautiful place, open one year. Beautiful rooms were $17 US (500 baht). I’ll be moving Monday.

I have come here for one main reason: to see if I could live here in the Cambodian capital. That requires sampling lots of prices and searching for areas I could consider for residency. Plus  comparing and contrasting the benefits and disadvantages.  Tomorrow, I meet up with a six-year resident and his Khmer wife who will give me some guidance on life in this small Southeast Asian nation, with the fairly fresh wounds of the Khmer Rouge genocide.

The early word is: some things are more expensive, some things less expensive. This is going to be a 2011-long project. Other cities under consideration are Chiang Mai, Ubon Ratchathani, Khon Kaen, Korat, all in Thailand. And Vientiane (Viangchan) in Laos.

So now you see why I was keen to do the Isaan Tour with K. Miken (only one-night stands in Chaiyaphum, Khon Kaen, Kalasin, Sakorn Nakhon, Roi Et and Korat). And why I’ve visited Chiang Mai and Phnom Penh. There’s lots more to come.

Somehow I feel in my element on this tour. I actually looked forward to heading to Bangkok airport and waiting expectantly for the takeoff and landing in somewhat familiar surroundings. I was moving. Doing the legwork is fun. And talking with Thais and farang (foreigners)  to sound out their feelings about their city is enjoyable. Made moreso when someone tells you could pay half of what you’re paying for your hotel room and get the almost identical quality.

Sitting in Bangkok gives me a restless feeling. I don’t sleep as well there either. I sleep better on the road. I feel more alive because I’m applying my somewhat rusty journalistic skills. Could be something to K Miken’s theory about the need to keep moving. Maybe it’s because I haven’t found my home. Yet.

 

PHOTO NOTES: From the top, Street 51, Phnom Penh, looking south from between Streets 154 and 172; the Blue Tongue Hotel on 174; owned by the same man who runs the Walkabout Cafe (next photo); next up are Black Cat, (new disco) Pontoon and Shanghai. Last is Na Na Hotel and another St. 51 scene at the  Golden Sorya Market near where the first photo was taken.

She’s not your girlfriend

Life in Thailand can be one long, glorious illusion if you have a taste for the night life. You can live with that if you have a firm mind and a lock on your emotions.

With your emotions and expectations in check, you must treat the girls with respect and fairness, for they do a job that will earn them money to send back home to their impoverished families. Both sides win. It's a thankless, socially frowned-upon  but necesary component of Thai society.

One can meet girls from all walks of life, of course, but most of those girls your humble blogging servant met were working bars, shops and restaurants, and most originated from Isaan, the poorest part of Thailand. The following compilation is based on  numerous personal experiences  during my first lengthy plunge into Bangkok life. I can't blame anyone but myself for any faulty judgement over the last five months.

So let the lessons begin! There you are in Thailand. Let's say you  meet someone "unlike any girl back home." She's very attractive, friendly, happy, spirited, eager to please, flexible, easy-going, quick with a kind gesture, focuses on your happiness, and has myriad other desirable characteristics. Not the least of which  can be the grace of her existence under family pressures. (Note the clever introduction of a subject for a forthcoming post.)

After a few outings and dates, you are weighing whether to ask her to be your girlfriend. In fact, she eventually asks you if you want to have a GF.

But you met her in a bar! Girls entering the bar business learn how to act. They learn to do things that make you feel better, having learned from their "sisters" in the bar. They, in fact, become Academy Award actresses.

Many foreign commentators in Thailand, resident expats and regular visitors to the Kingdom say that  Thai girls who make their way into the bar business  go through a change in personality that comes to dominate their day to day lives. What she becomes embodies the illusion of the Girl Friend Experience (GFE).

So it is with embarrassment and (hopefully) catharsis that I shower upon you my experiences, such that they might  help you determine whether your special bar girl can change into a "real girlfriend" and maybe even become a good wife. Here are more than a dozen Red Flag scenarios -- Red Flag means "run away" -- to learn from as you date your new Thai girlfriend and introduce her to your close friends:

• She often looks over your shoulder as she senses a foreigner walking into view. She’s not your girlfriend.
• She has the eerie ability to hear  mobile phone calls and messages, even when deep in her purse on the table. She frequently leaves your company to answer calls. She's not your girlfriend.
• She always runs out of mobile phone credits. She’s not your girlfriend.
• She goes out in daytime with full makeup and enough dressed-to-kill magic for a week of nights. She's not your girlfriend.
• If she's one and a half hours late, she's already been drinking. If she's one and a half hours early, she's already been drinking. She's not your girlfriend.
• She likes Soi Cowboy not because she dreams of a go-go dance career, but because she can drink all night. She's not your girlfriend.
• She orders drinks for her "friends" and puts them on your bill. She's not your girlfriend.
• She would rather party with her "sister" and drink till dawn than go home with you (perhaps showing good taste!). She's not your girlfriend.
• She passes out when you get her home. She's not your girlfriend.
• She slips from her chair and mounts your lap in front of your closest friends. Alternative scenario: she straddles you face to face. Either way, your friends are impressed. She's not your girlfriend.
• She goes to the toilet and doesn't reappear for some time. When you retrieve her, she's talking with some guy. Or she's spent the time puking in the toilet. She's not your girlfriend.
• She's been to Indi, Bali and Singapore and you haven't. She's not your girlfriend.
• In a quiet moment after some bedroom exercises, she asks if you will marry her. Next day she doesn't remember. She's not your girlfriend.
• Your foreigner buddies and Thai friends see Red Flags and tell you to be careful. You, meanwhile, can't even spell "red." She's not your girlfriend.
• And the one thing that is a guarantee that she's not your girlfriend: She goes out with her "friends" and "sisters" to the bars of Patpong, Cowboy, Nana, Soi 33, Asok Corner and Soi 22 beer bars. She's a bar girl. She's everybody's girlfriend.

If you're reading this in one of those bars,  don't expect to find a girlfriend.

-------
Written by Siam Rick and edited by Khun Miken.

Wise advice on relationships with Thai bar girls

 

The most striking thing to me about Thai bar girls is how genuinely nice many are. Don’t know whether it’s just dumb luck that I’ve met many polite, courteous, thoughtful, kind, generous ones. 

There have been few really outrageous ones, the kind that contribute to the sterotypes that "all bar girls"  are  ripoff artists, thieves,  cold hearted, poor  performers, mercenary and show utter disinterest in and even outright disgust for a customer (some deservedly so).

Yet, foreigners frequently meet and marry bar girls. I’ll note only one thing (oft repeated in Southeast Asia): you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl. Or can you? There are success stories despite the odds against.

But let’s not jump to marriage yet! Let's start off slowly with the relationship.

A good friend, Paul Spurrier, speaks pretty good Thai. It’s probably a natural result of living in Thailand for most of the last 11 years. Oh, and studying his ass off.

He’s in the entertainment business, and has directed, produced and distributed a well received film in Thai called P,  [Wikipedia film entry, Thai film journal entry, official film site]  which is the English phonetical translation from the Thai, ผี for “ghost.”

Paul [Wikipedia entry on Paul Spurrier]  was also director of photography for a Thai language TV series and an epic historical serial on the founding of the Thai nation. Pretty heady stuff for a foreigner to achieve.

You might say he knows a thing or two about the culture and the language and can shift into Thai at the drop of a “WELCOME!” from a Thai bar girl’s lips.

During his expat existence,  there were frequent visits to the Bangkok bar districts. Because of his Thai language proficiency, he could unearth a side of Thai bar girls’ lives unknown by the typical punter or tourist.

It is with not a little sympathy to the girls that Paul offers his advice on foreigner relationships with Thai bar girls, which he had written about a  year ago. It contains many grains of truth. Having  just reread it recently, I asked his permission to republish it:

• Don't risk any more than you are prepared to lose -- not only financially, but emotionally.
• If you have expectations, she will disappoint you. If you have none, she will constantly surprise you.
• Accept that you probably have never been as poor as she has, and that you can never really understand how that affects someone.
• Understand that due to everything she has been through, in the West she would almost certainly qualify for free psychotherapy -- and she may need it.
• Understand that she probably will never love you as much as her parents, and that she will always choose them over you, if made to decide.
• If you dump her, your life won't change that much. Hers will change utterly.
• Her jealousy may be a nuisance to you, but it is a greater burden to her.
• If you want her to love you for more than just your money, you have to be able to offer more than just money.
• If it doesn't work and you split up, it doesn't mean the relationship was a failure -- it was just a temporary success..
• Ignore all advice about dating bar girls.

Advice by Paul Spurrier (Page top photo by Paul Spurrier)
who is on Facebook and has his own web page.

Intro by Siam Rick.

UPDATE: Paul recently completed an assignment to  photograph all the dancers at Long Gun and Rawhide go-go bars on Soi Cowboy, Bangkok and revise their websites. The sites have just re-opened. I'm sure you will appreciate the quality work. Here are links to Rawhide Lounge and Bar  and Long Gun Bar. 

 

Grinch endures signs of Christmas in Thailand

The weird and crazy world of Thailand is tilted even more  by Christmas, yes, that western Judeo-Christian “celebration”.

I thought I’d escape that mass marketer’s dream but the season with all the trimmings can be found throughout Southeast Asia.

I was disabused of the notion that I could live in blissful ignorance of the season that’s so in your face in the west from October to January when I lived here in the City of Angels in 2008-09.

Sorry, but I have had enough. However, I’m standing knee deep in the Red Green Season in most un-Christmas-like temperatures hovering in the low 30s -- that's Celsius.  I couldn’t resist that crack at you who are knee deep in snow.

Below are a few photographic examples of Christmas themes in Bangkok and Pattaya, but with a Thai twist.

PICTURE DESCRIPTIONS:

Top: Already 20% discount on ladies' Christmas caps and ladies sexy seasonal wear at this shop near my apartment. Of course, you will see these clothing items mostly adorning bar girls all over town. My home which is located off Ratchadapisek Road, is in one of several areas noteworthy for having a lot of cheap apartments occupied by the many bar girls in the city.

The "next month" being November, the beginning of the high season. Since the sign is in the men's/women's/bar girls' toilet, you can't say you were not warned. Of course, this just adds to the continuing theme of rising prices in Thailand.

This sign along the MRT subway exit corridor at Pahon Yothin gave me a bit of a shiver, seeing a snowman, Thai style. But it would soon be warm as I walked toward the escalator, which leads up into the 33+ C day in Bangkok.

 

 A bakery shop on South Pattaya Road in Pattaya goes all Red Green in its attempt to catch the eye of passing foreigners.

 

 The students are out of school for the season now and ready to party, filling the entry stairs to the Londoner last Wednesday night. It was 2-for-1 night. Concidence? (Poor iPhone photo -- again! Hoping to get iPhone 4 next month!)

The Cosmos bar in Patpong 2 was swinging on a Friday night, namely Christmas Eve. One of its pleasant oddities is the lip-synch karaoke style musical entertainment that will break out at any moment. Done by bar staff. Thai-owned and run (easy-going owner is there every night and a real gentleman) is an old style bar with small square bar, surrounded by banquettes each holding about four foreigners or six to eight Thai girls. Love the place.

 

 Also love the coyote dance bar Mojo's on soi 33 Sukhumvit. It's not to some people's taste, but the dancing to OK to very good live bands and CD music is well choreographed and adds lots of visual stimulation to the evening. Kind of pricey too but hey, the dancers can dance and are hot on and off stage.

 

Went to all of these venues on Christmas week. Kind of beats the cold plunge into the car and road rage drive to Yorkdale Mall and the seasonal shopping frenzy.

Bangkok and Pattaya still waiting for tourists

Back in Pattaya again. What a one-track town! But where are the foreign visitors?

Thai travel agents revealed last week that based on what they have seen, tourist visits are only 80% of what they were in past years and last year was horrible.

This is the high season, verging on the peak in maybe 5-10 days. But the key beer bar streets of soi’s 6, 7 and 8 are virtually empty. I have seen the customer-free bars with my own eyes and resident friends have seen them too.

Last night on the lengthy go-go bar strip, Walking Street, it was mildly busy as we toured some establishments from 8 pm to 11 pm. We did one-beer visits of Alcatraz and Misty’s.  A big surprise was the emptiness of  star-power Angel Witch, but we were there before the first show at 10 o’clock. There were maybe fewer than 10 customers in the show amphitheatre.

Except for Angel Witch, the talent levels were low to average.  We lasted two drinks at AW,  thanks to some friendly staff.

The clear talent leader though was our fourth target, Baccara. The place was packed at 10 and a good marker for the high talent level was the Japanese, constituting maybe one-quarter of the onlookers. No wonder. Many stunning girls on stage both downstairs and upstairs.

The revelation for me and the others was that there was an upstairs and for most of us, the preferable venue. There’s very comfortable armchairs for you to curl up in with a companion. The girls downstairs were class A, with the ones upstairs ranked at B+ - A-. Tremendous place and not overpriced, compared with Bangkok’s rather pretentious prices of 150 baht a beer  on Soi Cowboy. Now Baccara is not cheap but the drinks were around 100 baht, whereas in Cowboy there 130 and up.

Baccara aside, though, no one was doing good business. Misty’s, Angel Witch, with their off-Walking Street addresses but well known brands, were nearly empty. Alcatraz, because it’s brand new and on Walking Street, was doing a little better.

The point of all this though is to say that there’s no mounting evidence of a high season, although young vacationing men are showing up. There were a few hundred gawking and picture-taking tourists, including non-Thai families with kids in tow at midnight on Walking Street, and the usual collection of freelance girls and ladyboys and then the expat residents (although many do not go to the area because of the congestion and general craziness), and as always the hawkers of flashlights with “girlie” images, tribal tinkets and 69-baht a draft come-ons for hidden go-go’s.

But I remember Walking Street and nearby soi's three years ago as being virtually impassable, as it was so packed with “buyers”  and “sellers”.

Bangkok has been no better. There is little evidence of more foreigners on the streets than the usual expat residents. Few in the bar areas, too. On a recent 2-for-1 Wednesday at the Londoner, there was virtually no overflow crowd outside the doors where the smokers usually gather. I remember in the past seeing the stairway packed with students and expat residents and tourists. Soi Cowboy, which seems to be on a bit of decline for various reasons, was easily walkable last  Friday night.

Next week may tell the tale as more tourists are expected after Dec. 15, typical of winter origin  travellers. But many friends and acquaintances have noticed how empty the two cities seem  compared to highlight years.

When I arrived without a reservation in Pattaya, it was easy to get a room and lots of choice around the busy intersection of soi’s Diana and LK Metro. My room in a very nice guesthouse on LK Metro was 800 baht. That was the standard room; medium and larger rooms were available at 1200 and up in Keerati Home Stay.

Why are there few signs of a tourist upsurge? Thailand, while a brand name destination and top of mind for many European travellers, has some problems. News readers in North America and Europe are remembering last spring’s uprising and riot deaths, as well as the devastating flood that destroyed crops and caused many deaths in the north and south of the country. There are some saying yet another coup is simmering. While the world economy shows some signs here and there of improving, workers are staying home to preserve their jobs and finances. Maybe the biggest reason for the lack of tourists is the strength of the Thai baht, which is overwhelming European and North America currencies and impacting travellers -- and resident expats alike.

It will be interesting to see whether, no matter what happens this peak travel season, Thailand’s  economic  growth trend is just a short cycle or one to bet on for the future. If there are more encouraging economic signs, maybe Thailand will have another lure for travellers, these ones bringing hands-full of investment cash. It seems to be happening. But what will this do to prices in a country that used to be known for its cheap transportation, food, accommodation and services. Already local expats are considering leaving inflationary Bangkok. Are potential tourists striking off Thailand?

Maybe Pattaya needs a second (and third) look

 
View from the sidewalk on Beach Road, Pattaya, looking almost northward.

I was visiting Pattaya this week. I cannot believe that I stayed five nights after setting a two-night limit. That’s three extra nights and four more than I stayed in 2008 when  I couldn’t wait to leave.

  There’s just too much of everything, especially the beer bars, go-go bars, restaurants, taxis, traffic, mobile and stationary hawkers, and an eye-bleeding forest of signs, many of them in English, and now Russian. There’s a small fruit market on Second Road (a north-south arterial) that has signs solely in Russian -- no English and no Thai!

  There can never be enough Thai girls but Pattaya somehow manages to get more than its share of stunners as well as the ordinarily beautiful. As for expat residents, I think there are more decidedly porky, old, misshapen, unshaven, tattooed expats than would be normal in any statistical analysis. (And before you snow me with emails, I expect some day a blogger will say the same thing about me, if they haven’t already.)

But the past notwithstanding, I wanted to go Pattaya. It happens to be where Talen, author of the very popular and entertaining Thailand, Land of Smiles blog, hangs his walking shorts. We’ve exchanged emails and comments on each others’ blogs in the past two-plus years and promised to get together some day. We did it and had a great time together. This was due in large part to Talen’s generosity in time and effort to show me what's new in the big town. He’s a sharp observer, as reflected in his blog,  energetic, outgoing and yet down-to-earth. In short, a great guide. (I had to say this because he has a picture of me!)

A frequent sight is the Englishman who dresses himself and his bicycle in the finest accessories and  conducts his daily colourful parade on the streets of Pattaya.

I also wanted to catch up with a fellow Canadian who I met through my Bangkok/Toronto pal Mike. Bill, with a long history in the Canadian bar and restaurant  industry, quickly got the measure of Pattaya and was a great help in introducing me to the cheaper part of the town, which is saying something. How about Sang Som (Thai whisky or rum) and Coke for 25 baht? Or small Leo’s for 35? Or a glass of Johnnie Walker Black for 75 baht? Compared to Bangkok (low end prices: 70/50/100 baht), Pattaya does indeed offer cheaper booze. But 95 baht cigarettes will be 95 baht cigarettes everywhere in Thailand. (I have recently heard from nearly half a dozen friends and acquaintances who are seriously considering leaving expensive Bangkok for cheaper Pattaya, if not permanently then part-time.)

  

Just some of the hundreds of beer bars in Pattaya, first photo. The Canadian flag hangs in one of the soi Diana beer bars in Pattaya.

There was a third reason for going to Pattaya, which was actually the first reason. I wanted to meet up with a girl I met online. She and her sister have been running a car rental agency in Pattaya. Seems like they have been pretty successful. The divorced 35-year-old  turned out to be a hard working businesswoman and yet was a very pleasing companion, as in a very Thai girl. Whether there’s more to report, only time will reveal.

I am coming around to liking Pattaya. But first, what I remember of the negatives last time  was: dense and chaotic traffic on all the main roads and many bar streets in Central Pattaya in particular; in full view were the poor clothing choices and bareback tattoo displays of the double-X-large expat residents who fill their days with girls, booze and grease-sodden food;  constant though low-key hawkers who ply the bar soi’s with oversize lighters, pirate DVD movies and tribal trinkets; the din of high-amp sound systems pumping out everything from 50s rock and roll to hip hop and disco electronica.

This time all of the above remains. Traffic on arterial Central Pattaya Road going from Beach Road, on the Gulf of Thailand, to Sukhumvit Road (yes, the same road out of Bangkok) is six to eight lanes of diesel buses, baht buses, trucks, moto couriers and service trucks crowding for the same privilege to get somewhere. Ugly, just as is Sukhumvit.

Expat residents for some reason or another all seem to come from the same school where everyone graduated with bulging bellies, the need for tattoos, the neckless look and an insatiable thirst for beer. I’ve seen guys walking around talking to some ghosts in their heads, some strut down the street like they own the world, some manage to break important cultural rule such that they will eventually meet a Thai who will set them straight -- into a hospital; some who have had way too many cigarettes, beer and sessions in front of the football/rugby/cricket TV superchannels. You’ll know what I mean when you’re shaken awake by the sight of a straight-backed, clean-cut, fit, casually and tastefully dressed man. Rare as a bar without hookers.

The hawkers are still there -- one night I was hit on two to three times per five-minute periods over a 1.5 hour period in a beer bar complex. And the sound systems can still knock your back teeth out.

Yet a tour of some soi’s off Second Road shows Pattaya can be quiet and the walking life unfettered. Another great thing is the availability of good western food. Now it sounds like I do not know Thailand. I enjoyed the fact I could get a Chicken Donner (50 or 60 baht) or hamburger (75) or spaghetti (don’t remember the price because I never bought  any, for reasons I might not have to explain) or pizza slice (55) or even English breakfast at 2, 3, or 5 in the morning (85 to 110 baht). I did indulge in a delicious Donner one morning and twice I raided the pizza place at soi LK Metro and Diana. It’s a nice change from the daytime diet of Thai soups, omelettes, fried rice, and som tam (spicy papaya salad). Somehow, a westerner’s palate will only be satisfied after a number of beers by a greasy Donner or slice.

Another sign of change in the Pattaya lifestyle is the growing appearance of the big European and American hotel chains, top shelf jewellers and clothing lines, massive swank Central Festival mall, expensively designed shops and even fast-food outlets. There’s also the growing appearance of shoppers from Russia, India, China as well  Korea and Japan. And families are showing up in Sin City. Plus the area is reputed to  have some outstanding golf courses. Which means price tags will start to creep up, which could be good for Thais but not so good for those of us on a budget.

I think though the key outstanding memory is the friendliness of the girls. It seems like they still have the country girl shyness, easy going nature, the ready smile that life in Bangkok seems to sand away over time. I think the Isaan girls who tend to populate the bars  in Bangkok distinctly dislike being in the big hot, steamy, crowded, noisy city, whereas Pattaya is just a big town (city, actually) and feels more like home. The girls tend to be more relaxed and undemanding. Not once in my five nights there was I ever asked to buy a lady drink.  I did of course, but I dislike the badgering you get in BKK bars. I certainly felt more relaxed there. So maybe it’s a combination of both: relaxed visitor, relaxed worker.

And too, I can never get over looking toward the palm framed and green waters of the Gulf of Thailand when walking down the soi’s toward Beach Road. It just feels so right. Maybe I need to move to the beach, although Pattaya’s beach is hardly first class. Jomtien, south and next door, is reputed to have a much nicer beach front.

I think I will need to confirm my  initial positive feelings about Pattaya. Yeah, maybe in a couple of weeks.

PHOTOS: Two favourite night time eateries (Kiss and Nongjai); fruit stalls on Second Road with Russian-only signs; expats show their colours; Thai riders prepare to rumble on their custom choppers from the back of Mike Shopping Centre; a VW booze van at The Avenue Pattaya shopping centre; a view down soi 13/x looking from Second Road; forest of signs on soi LK Metro where my hotel resides; and an actual  pedestrian crossing on Second Road  guarded by an officer and with traffic signal!

    

   

   

 

 

 

 

Brain activity detected on Thailand arrival

I’m not sure why but it happens every time I go to Thailand: I become brainless. So I resolved to start off on a good foot.

  So I got up on my first Monday in Bangkok and went to my favourite Thai street corner coffee stand and pondered about what I usually forget to do. The list is pretty substantial and if I go on forgetting some of my goals, further brainless activity will surely lead to more  brainless activity of the kind resulting from excessive  intake of alcohol, cigarettes, socializing with friends and locals, all of which can lead to getting up late.

Today I was up at 8 a.m., which for me is some kind of accomplishment. I could have rested on my laurels then and there. A bit of cleanup ensued. My 35 sq. metre serviced apartment on soi 22 Sukhumvit Road, Bangkok, required some immediate re-organization. Make that organization, with clothing, shoes, odds and ends everywhere and anywhere.

I arrived from Tokyo late Friday night. Nothing to do but join a party already in progress at the Londoner on soi 33. Who can blame a guy who has been waiting eight long torturous months to return to the Land of Smiles.

Saturday involved checking out after one night at a soi 19 hotel and seeing if my apartment was ready or my reservation even given a moment’s thought. “No” to both questions. Surprised? Nope. However, it being the slow season, I got a place with a balcony. A must, as far as I am concerned. The manager showed me a nice place in the new wing but, no balcony, no deal. So they conferred with each other for 1 or 2 minutes and gave me my place. It’s 11,000 baht for a month, Internet included! (That’s $380 Canadian at this particularly unappealing currency juncture of 29 baht to the dollar..)

Time to reunite with the social scene and what a good time! That takes care of Saturday night and Sunday. I survived in reasonable shape, especially financially since some buds who I haven’t seen since last winter took it upon themselves to “take care of me.” Well, it did go beyond just buying me drinks.

Now, as you can see, that kind of activity could go for days and weeks and months. So back to Monday and need to steady the course, as the Brits would say.

I chose Bangkok for obvious reasons, at least to myself! Over the next month I have to do some exploring to see where I might live in Bangkok. But, and this is a mountainous BUT, I’m giving some thought to alternative sites and will visit the Pattaya-Jomtien area, which is cheaper to live and not far (2 hours) from the Big Bang. Somewhere down the road I will visit Chiang Mai (again) and Chiang Rai in the north. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Be it resolved: I will write. I am carrying out one promise. as you can see.  At least five days a week, I plan to do some research, write this blog and work on other unnamed writing projects, including a related blog. Sorry, subject to be named later -- after much research. Yes, I’m putting this in print because I not only plan to do this but NEED to do this. Ya can’t do much with a mushy brain so you have to exercise it like anything else.

Be it resolved: I will keep up on the news, something I definitely lacked any interest in back home in Canada, what with no sympathy for local activity or any interest for that matter. (Hmmm, note to self: I have to go out and buy the local English papers.)

Be it resolved: I will do a better job of keeping up with my fave local (as in Thailand)  blogs, especially Catherine’s “Women Learning Thai . . . and some men too.”  Which leads me to . . .

Be it resolved: Take a more disciplined approach to learning the Thai language. You really can’t do that living in the tourist district of Bangkok. Yes, if I had the discipline, but I figure, with my laziness, I need to force myself by living in a real Thai neighbourhood. That ought to be hilarious grist for a few blog posts.

Those are some basic resolutions and probably enough to commit myself to, given some friends’ penchant for laughing at my plans.

And see how it’s taken me almost three days to finally put up a new post. That’s that slippery slope of brainlessness lurking in the background.