The Noodle Curtain

Taking the plunge into Thai language school

The issue of taking Thai language classes has come up more often between I and my friend Mike (formerly known as M in these posts). We are frustrated and embarrassed that we can’t communicate with our hosts.

As a tourist, you may not go through this angst but as a resident, the situation only gets worse and worse each day as you hit stone walls of non-communication.

We stand and look at each other as the conversation swiftly fades and my friend says after the introductory sawut dee krap and a few Thai-English phrases to the department store counter clerk who does not speak any English, “I got nothin’.” Now I’ve seen Mike valiantly make his meaning known but it was just not to be this day. Nor many other days in our wanderings.

This past week I’d gone looking for shoes at Robinson department store (not unlike The Bay in Canada) here on Ratchada. The clerk silently points to this pair and that and I cannot even say anything more than mai chop (I don’t like) or cop koon krap (thank you) and walk away. I know the colours (OK, that’s easy since black and brown rule) but I cannot describe what I’m looking for.

Day after day, night after night, you lose opportunities to simply extend a conversation beyond koon maa jak nai? (where do you come from), jangwat arai? (what province), khao pad gai krap (chicken fried rice), or dtrong pai krap (straight ahead) to a taxi driver.

Imagine a Thai or any other national moving to Canada and not learning any English. How would you feel as a host when immigrants arrive and do not attempt to integrate with the locals to the degree the new arrival can freely talk with you? Exactly.

I’ve marked Monday, Nov. 29 as my first Thai language class in my renewed effort to get with the program. My friend and I are taking it together: one teacher and two students. We are roughly complimentary in our knowledge, only Mike is way out head in putting to use his language proficiency. He uses as much Thai language as possible, peppered with English. He’s great entertainment that way and the girls really appreciate and enjoy the dialogue.  Frequently, talks evolve into Thai lessons, and many more  laughs.

Me, I’ve been shy to, well, embarrass myself with the occasional wrong tone. An example, one night is using the Thai word for “beautiful”. It reads in English phonetics: suay. The vowel sound is read as one, but the adjective starts from  a lower-mid-tone “u” and finishes with a rising tone “ay” sound. You can imagine how it’s a pretty common word in the Land of Beautiful Girls. But in a lazy moment I said it as a high tone or falling tone (I forget), which turns the meaning into the opposite of beautiful, something along the lines of “forgettable”. Not nice but good for a laugh for my friend Kan who is very knowledgeable about English despite her youthful 25 years and can detect when we mean one thing and say another.

I just learned two days ago I’ve been saying something wrong for several years. I wondered why taxis have been taking me to soi 18 when I wanted to go to soi 11. 18 is sip-pairt, 11 is sip-et. I’ve been voicing the “p” on sip so that it always comes out 18. Now there is a bit of difference in the sound of “pairt” versus “et” too. But I’ve simply been saying 18 all this time.

This may not sound like great news but it is to me. It means that I’ve been waking up. I’ve been really paying attention to how Thai words are pronounced the last few weeks. I’ve been adding to my vocabulary every day. I’ve been bothering my Thai friends with questions every day. And you know what, they truly appreciate that I keep asking. I finally learned the other day a very important adjective: piao piao for whisky (lao) straight.

So on the 29th, Mike and I head to Jentana and Associates school on soi 31, Sukhumvit to begin our first 10-lesson segment of 90-minute classes, Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. I will go through some of the reasoning in later posts as to why we chose Jentana, which is a bit expensive compared to others, but that’s partly because it’s just Mike and I and the teacher.

Both of us are serious in our intent. We have a no-hangover rule that we arrive in class  fresh and  ready to learn. Otherwise, the effort will end up like the seeds that fall onto stones.

Brain activity detected on Thailand arrival

I’m not sure why but it happens every time I go to Thailand: I become brainless. So I resolved to start off on a good foot.

  So I got up on my first Monday in Bangkok and went to my favourite Thai street corner coffee stand and pondered about what I usually forget to do. The list is pretty substantial and if I go on forgetting some of my goals, further brainless activity will surely lead to more  brainless activity of the kind resulting from excessive  intake of alcohol, cigarettes, socializing with friends and locals, all of which can lead to getting up late.

Today I was up at 8 a.m., which for me is some kind of accomplishment. I could have rested on my laurels then and there. A bit of cleanup ensued. My 35 sq. metre serviced apartment on soi 22 Sukhumvit Road, Bangkok, required some immediate re-organization. Make that organization, with clothing, shoes, odds and ends everywhere and anywhere.

I arrived from Tokyo late Friday night. Nothing to do but join a party already in progress at the Londoner on soi 33. Who can blame a guy who has been waiting eight long torturous months to return to the Land of Smiles.

Saturday involved checking out after one night at a soi 19 hotel and seeing if my apartment was ready or my reservation even given a moment’s thought. “No” to both questions. Surprised? Nope. However, it being the slow season, I got a place with a balcony. A must, as far as I am concerned. The manager showed me a nice place in the new wing but, no balcony, no deal. So they conferred with each other for 1 or 2 minutes and gave me my place. It’s 11,000 baht for a month, Internet included! (That’s $380 Canadian at this particularly unappealing currency juncture of 29 baht to the dollar..)

Time to reunite with the social scene and what a good time! That takes care of Saturday night and Sunday. I survived in reasonable shape, especially financially since some buds who I haven’t seen since last winter took it upon themselves to “take care of me.” Well, it did go beyond just buying me drinks.

Now, as you can see, that kind of activity could go for days and weeks and months. So back to Monday and need to steady the course, as the Brits would say.

I chose Bangkok for obvious reasons, at least to myself! Over the next month I have to do some exploring to see where I might live in Bangkok. But, and this is a mountainous BUT, I’m giving some thought to alternative sites and will visit the Pattaya-Jomtien area, which is cheaper to live and not far (2 hours) from the Big Bang. Somewhere down the road I will visit Chiang Mai (again) and Chiang Rai in the north. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Be it resolved: I will write. I am carrying out one promise. as you can see.  At least five days a week, I plan to do some research, write this blog and work on other unnamed writing projects, including a related blog. Sorry, subject to be named later -- after much research. Yes, I’m putting this in print because I not only plan to do this but NEED to do this. Ya can’t do much with a mushy brain so you have to exercise it like anything else.

Be it resolved: I will keep up on the news, something I definitely lacked any interest in back home in Canada, what with no sympathy for local activity or any interest for that matter. (Hmmm, note to self: I have to go out and buy the local English papers.)

Be it resolved: I will do a better job of keeping up with my fave local (as in Thailand)  blogs, especially Catherine’s “Women Learning Thai . . . and some men too.”  Which leads me to . . .

Be it resolved: Take a more disciplined approach to learning the Thai language. You really can’t do that living in the tourist district of Bangkok. Yes, if I had the discipline, but I figure, with my laziness, I need to force myself by living in a real Thai neighbourhood. That ought to be hilarious grist for a few blog posts.

Those are some basic resolutions and probably enough to commit myself to, given some friends’ penchant for laughing at my plans.

And see how it’s taken me almost three days to finally put up a new post. That’s that slippery slope of brainlessness lurking in the background.

Trouble in Thailand: bugs, coffee beans, language and women

Had more freedom  to roam the web this past week and came across the darnedest things, like features on the edible bug industry in Thailand and Cambodia (this is going to get me one and maybe two  more readers!),  how Thailand is getting into the coffee business (more farmers to grow quality beans), a blog report on Thai nicknames (extensive and “inventive”) and another one on Thai provincial names (Abbreviations ‘R’ Us), and finally, a web item that aims to clear up some ideas on Thai women’s taste in men (the following statements are the opinions of the writer and do not reflect those of this station, er, blogger ). 

If you have a taste for bugs, raw, whole or fried, find out about how the edible bug industry works in Thailand. Just leg it to the Bangkok Post for a  thorough and crunchy feature. Surprises?  Most of them come from Cambodia, live ones preferred. It’s good to know, I think, that dead bugs are frowned upon in the big Talat (market) Rong Kluea  in Sa Kaeo province. It’s said to be the biggest insect market in Thailand. Another surprise: giant water bugs are said to be getting very expensive now and people are downsizing.  Me, I prefer identifiable food, as displayed in the picture.

If you have a taste for  tarantulas, then skitter on down to the photo blog Leo Laksi's Bangkok and Back and feast your eyes on those hairy legged web spinners -- not to be confused with any bloggers I know. Yes, when fried, they taste like chicken. Okay, just kidding.

If your taste is more ordinary, like mine, you’ll brim with nervous anticipation as you crack open the SEA Globe web portal and read about the mighty coffee bean trade in, well, Southeast Asia. Most of the growth in the south of Thailand is of the robusta variety, which is cheaper. But, due to an opium crop replacement program in the  north, Thai producers are being encouraged to grow  quality arabica beans in the hillier north. But the variety takes more work and there's a risk of the produce being contaminated by cheap imports.

If by any chance you’ve lost your appetite, you can read all about Thai nicknames. Boonsong Somboon's Thailand Photos gives us hundreds with English explanations. Bonus! He provides interesting alternative and inventive nicknames. A favourite Thai nickname of mine is Beer. It’s a fascinating blog overall for he puts up a new picture regularly, explains what’s going on, which leads him to a Thai language tip. He regularly makes up “new” English words and My Buddha, he has me buying the new word, because he’s so convincing. Informative and entertaining.

If you have a secret desire to explore more of Thailand but don’t dare because you can’t read the signs, the esoteric but fascinating blog  Changwat,  Amphoe, Tambon (province, district, subdistrict) has all the provinces listed in English and Thai scripts, including the abbreviations and postal code. Perfect if you forgot your Lonely Planet back in Sudbury (Canadian joke, akin to Fargo, or Manchester  -- I just made this up!)

If you fancy Thai girls, er, women, Thai female blogger Kaewmala has charted in detail the types (classes) of women who may or may not be seeking foreign husbands. (I wonder where martial arts action star Jija Yanin, inset image,  would fit in?)  Actually Kaewmala's info applies to all seekers and seekees. Don’t be shy, just visit ThaiWomanTalks. You’ll find lots of unrelated material, too, all well written and insightful.
LINKS:

• Everything you wanted to know about eating bugs in Thailand
• Everything you wanted to know about eating tarantulas in Cambodia
• SEA Globe feature on coffee beans in Thailand:
• The (almost) complete list of Thai nicknames:
• All the abbreviations in Thai and English for 76 Thai provinces:
• Thaiwomantalks.com summary chart on Thai women types

Looking for Lao in all the wrong places

Been bouncing around the net this weekend. I usually don’t stray from my appointed rounds but needed to shake the cobwebs off. In doing so, I came across some interesting sites offering news, propaganda, advertising, esoterica and sex (DOWN boys! -- look at the screen capture above).

I haven’t found much on Laos, so I decided to look harder. First, there’s not much Lao info even at Thaivisa.com in the Southeast Asia Forum. The main source there has moved to Singapore. But he still keeps in touch, as only a man with a Lao wife would have to.

Another big expat site, Teak Door, has only two pages  of threads on Laos from the perspective of visa runners from Thailand.

When I was visiting Vientiane in January, I liked to read the Vientiane Times newspaper. There are two of them on the web though. The Vientiane Times (dot com site),  apparently beginning in late 1997, is an aggregator of news from newspapers, news agencies, propaganda machines and state communications departments. The Vientiane Times (.org.la domain)   creates most of its own articles, often focusing on government and community activities. So it reads a bit like a government handout sheet. Then again, being in Laos, the paper, operated by a foreigner, has to tread a fine line with the authorities.  The latter is the better one for local Lao news and is very up to date. But, if you don’t read the stuff fresh off the “presses,” the articles disappear behind a paywall, a very expensive paywall. Might be worth it but its only method of subscription is a wire transfer and they are expensive and complex. (In Canada, recent money laundering prevention regulations mean I have to appear personally at the bank to arrange the transfer.)  Two “expensives” make me feel lazy. 

A real disappointment is finding an intriguing URL with Laos in it and finding it’s just a tour and hotel site. So many of these cheats. Also came across some private blogs that hadn’t been updated for months or had only just been added to within six or eight months or year’s gap.

However, there’s one (partial) exception, Travel to Laos Tips. It has some pretty good info. The operator, however, doesn’t make it easy to find out who created it (I did find one reader comment with an answer by Mapanoy, who appears to be the creator of this one, as well as the blog How to Lose 50 Pounds. Hmmm.) Nor does the site provide visible article dates (although the URLs contain year/month dates). In a nutshell, it seems like the site had a very good start but has pretty much been abandoned (no answers to six-month-old reader queries and nothing’s been posted since October 2009). A shame.

A change of countries now . . .

I kid you not, there’s an English language blog on Thai governmental administrative regions. It’s thorough, detailed, up to date and full of esoteric statistics and administrative orders. When I saw a link for Changwat, Amphoe, Tambon, I raced there to see what intrigue may lie in wait. I imagined a merry soap opera romp following the hijinks between first-level administrative officers and the village headman’s daughter. And who’s paying off whom.  Uh, not so much!  Instead, I spent almost an hour reading about “Wrong Tambon numbers in preliminary census 2000 reports;”  “National symbols of Thailand;”  “Muban administration modeled after British colonial model;” “Subdistrict name romanization.”  Talk about esoteric. It’s an impressive piece of work.

Again from the "I kid you not" department is a fresh blog called Sextalk by a Thai woman writing in English -- at a level that would shame many (so-called) native English posters on a certain large expat forum. Her focuses are Thai language,  romance and foreigner-Thai relationships -- and she also answers readers' questions. Rather than rhyming off compliments on her observations and entertaining writing style, read this from her About page: "Before you get any wrong idea, no, I’m not offering any type of erotic services, so you may put away that credit card now." Yes, she has a keen wit. too. She has also written a book by the same name, which is available on her website and is reviewed in detail here at Women Learning Thai. The site appears to be just over a year old, going by the date of her introductory page. By the way, she's an avid and thoughtful commenter (nickname, kaewmala) on some Thailand blogs such as you'll find in my sidebar below right, Favourite Asia Sites, in particular, Women Learning Thai. (Whether you’re a beginner or advanced Thai speaker, I can’t think of a better resource for learning materials, spiced with cultural features and interviews with fascinating people who tell about their paths to Thai language education.)

I’m always happy to indulge myself by reading  really good blog writing. If the subject also happens be Thailand or Southeast Asia, even better. And that’s what I found following a link at Women Learning Thai.     A gentleman who signed a comment DrWill caught my attention. His site, simply called Religion, Sex and Politics, I almost didn’t bother reading once I saw the title. I dove in anyway and would say it is well worth the visit for his clean and straightforward writing style. His analysis of the Red Shirt protest over the past year  might give you a different  perspective.  

It was at  The Thai Report  that I found Changwat, Amphoe, Tambon. The Thai Report collected links to the news of the day and it became really handy. Notice I said everything in the past tense.  In a recent email exchange with the site owner, he said the site was growing rather slowly.  Next thing I knew he had posted an announcement that he didn’t have time to keep it updated, but left up many good links to news sites, news blogs and cultural and Thai life blogs.   A shame really. The Thai Report was not a fancy site but who needs fancy, frankly, as long as it’s simple to load and easy to navigate.

Blogging hotties live the high life

Sometimes you just need a dose of crazy-assed antics, you know,  some amusement and distraction from the everyday world. You want to forget about the Red Shirts vs Yellow Shirts, the shrinking U.S. dollar and mutual funds, the Thaksin roadshow antics, the plight of Burmese refugees, and the farang-Thai stories. That usually means the subject matter is about everyday stuff,  like checking out a new bar or restaurant, or going to a chi-chi party or making risotto with Asian twist or make a perfect hair bun in 1 minute  or  visiting Disney World in Hong Kong.

I find quite a bit of this material on blogs from young people in Singapore and Malaysia. There may be more. Lots more. A recent post by the extremely popular Xiaxue, a Singapore hottie, led me to many more English-language blogs by Southeast Asian young people.  It also gave me a colourful tour of Disney’s Hong Kong establishment. I’ll tell you right now that I don’t give a rat’s ass about things Disney. But Xiaxue’s report and pictures of fellow bloggers getting the five-star treatment was a hoot. (Image above, from xiaxue.blogspot.com, of Princess Aud, Redmummy, Xiaxue (Wendy) and Cheesie)

Need I tell you the report is full of pictures of  pretty blogging girls? Asian hotties? I do like ethnic Chinese girls’ looks and there’s much to like in this report as well as the reports by the other blogging hotties. And there’s food. Do Asian girls like food? Do humans breathe?  If the posts aren’t full of young Asian women having fun, they’re full of amazing, mouth-watering, beautifully prepared and presented food. I’d recommend these blogs if your only interest is Asian cuisine.

Then again, how does a girl survive if she doesn't know how to make a hair bun. You'll get that too in these blogs. Visit cheeserland.com and you'll see Cheesie (you won't mind her screen name too much  after you get a look at the hottie herself) shows how to do it [Update: dropped 1-min version for longer one. More is better, isn't it? ]. Watch a new, longer YouTube video:

Xiaxue, a.k.a. Wendy,  is a multi-award winning Asian blogger. It's interesting that her rants and antics are rather atypically Asian. Which is maybe why she's so popular. She doesn’t hold back when something bothers her such as a whinging reader or poor restaurant service or something done in bad taste. I like that. And so do her readers, it appears. Her site registers some 20,000 pageviews a day! I’ve seen as many as 200 comments on a post.

Note that Xiaxue’s blog takes quite a while to load, because of the heavy image load. It took maybe 2 minutes on my 10 megabit service to fully acquire the page.  I will also warn you that her language is colourful. This is not for office computers not because of the pictures, although your buddies might not leave your work station if they get a eyeful of the Asian pretties, but of the oversized displays of the f-word. Many of these Asian girl bloggers  use the f-word. Liberally. Speaking of language . . . the blogs are a mix of English and Singlish, as well as being peppered with (what I think is) Malaysian and Chinese expressions, but  transliterated into English. One blog in particular, Redmummy.com, is full of multi-language expressions. Couldn’t fathom too much of it, I have to admit. But then, it’s not aimed at a Canadian dude the other side of the planet.

LINKS

• Xiaxue (Wendy)
• Cheesie at Cheeserland
• Princess Aud at fourfeetnine
• Red at Redmummy
• eStee at Geek Goddess (or 9eek 9goddess)

14 iPhone apps for learning Thai reviewed at language blog

Got an iPhone? Got a need to learn Thai? This is not a commercial, this is a recommendation that you check out Women Learning Thai for a report on 14 downloadable apps, or applications, in Apple-speak. Blog author Catherine took a very analytical approach and wrote formatted summaries on each Thai language app. She's even baled it all together into a DL'able spreadsheet. It's a thing of beauty.

It seems as though iPhone apps for Thai language learning is in its infancy, so many improvements will likely show up soon. However, since these apps are priced from $free to $9.99 US (Lonely Planet's), it's not much of a risk and you're bound to learn something. (There is one for a rather pricy $24.99.)

Among the key attributes that Catherine lists, transliteration with tone marks, and zoomable Thai script are the two most important to me. Many don't have tone marks, if they have transliteration at all. I need the visual. 

LINK:

• Thai language phrase-book apps for the Apple iPhone at Women Learning Thai

Chinese Thai lady asks: Is this you? If not, stick to bar girls

A most amazing post by a Chinese Thai lady on Stickman, about what proper Thai girls are looking for in a mate, Thai as well as foreigner. The woman is married, educated in the U.S. and vouched for by Stickman because he has met her several times. She also writes English very well, in fact, would embarrass some native English speakers with her natural language voice. Her comic timing is pretty bang on. ("spot on" for you UK'ers).

[Edit: Inserted above link to reader submission at Stickman. I forgot. Thanks to friend G.]

The link tip was sent to me by a friend and I'm very thankful, M.

A couple of quotes exemplify the quality of the piece, written under the pen name of JTG. The scene is arrival at a lodge:

Mr. JTG was twenty feet behind me and was still on the porch.  As I was putting down our stuff in the room and on the way to help Mr., I heard a high-pitched, upbeat female voice saying “Hi, how are you?” I stepped out of the room in a millisecond and took a look at the creature that phonated in such a way we fellow women the world over consider fake (Female readers know what I am talking about!).  The first things that struck me about the girl were her super low-cut, sleeveless top, her skinniness and noticeably lack of endowment in the breast department.  Women size other women up.  This is universally normal.

The second half of the piece talks about what Thai women want:

I doubt if any bearded guy in cargo shorts, Chang Beer sleeveless t-shirt, a baseball cap, and Jesus sandals has much attention from upper middle class girls because these are signature looks of a backpacker we generally call “Farang Kee Nok” (Bird Poop Farang), or a sex tourist you see all the time on Soi Nana. 

This reminds me of some other great blog posts, among many, in the last few weeks:

• A fascinating story of how one older American fellow kind of stumbled into becoming  a monk and his subsequent daily life at Absolutely Bangkok.
• One of my favourite blog topics is food, especially Thai market and street food. Intrinsic to Thai meals is the  custom of sharing. Food is eaten in groups, family and/or friends, and what better way to participate, or just watch, is to go to the nearest community market. Martyn at Beyond the Big Mango Juice says markets mean so much to him now and his enjoyment of Thailand life. And Malcolm at Retired in Thailand and Loving It describes how vitally important markets are to making a living and  supporting a community.  And no topic about food can go unlinked to blogs about mouth watering Thai food. Talen at Thailand, Land of Smiles, lists his top 10  Thai foods you must try. Woohoo!
• If you're looking for Driving in Thailand for Dummie, this is it! Ben at The Thai Pirate, who has covered 60,000 km (!!!) in the past year (and lived to tell about it), offers his Pirate Tips for Driving in Thailand. 
• There's never a week that goes by that Women Learning Thai doesn't have a valuable post on learning the Thai language. One great series is her interviews of foreigners who have spit out  the blue mono-language pill and swallowed the red language pill of Thai.  But author Catherine now is using an iPhone, and in her usual way of digging deep into a topic,  will soon (don't make me a liar, Cat ;-) offer her thoughts on all those language apps that purport to teach you Thai in 30 minutes (just kidding about the minutes!).
• If I wrote as much as Wise Kwai does on his Thai Film Journal, I don't think I'd get any sleep. If he isn't watching three, four, five films a day, he's chonicling another film festival or writing another review or reporting just stuff about the industry. WK has news from two recent festivals, Bangkok's and Busan, South Korea's.

I'm sure I'm forgetting some great blogs so I'm sorry if I left anyone out. I'll make up for that soon. Besides, reading blogs on Thailand and Southeast Asia is about all I can do now that I'm back in Canada where soon the north wind will blow and all will be frosty and NOT warm, shall we say.   Won't be back in LOS till December.

LINK:

• Chinese Thai lady reveals what Thai girls look for in guy -- Thai and foreigner

 

Asian dating sites, part 2: looking in Vietnam

I had never spent a single moment on dating sites before I started visiting Southeast Asia.   I'd visited Thailand and Cambodia, starting in 2004, but it wasn't until my second visit to Vietnam in 2007 that I began exploring the online  options.

Asian dating sites part 1

Vietnam made quite an impression on me in 2006 and 2007 when I visited Hanoi and Saigon respectively. It was the whole mixture of good food, exotic locale, storied culture (think French and Chinese influence plus the  war), familiarity in my hometown with VN food and culture, now burgeoning economy, loosening of national economic reins, and the fact that, again, Vietnam was becoming a focal point for East-West "interests."  Plus, it could be  something about the beauty of slender Viet women with gorgeous long, straight black hair falling over their diaphanous ao dai.  Dream worthy.

When I returned home to Canada, I spent a lot of time keeping up with the Southeast Asian news and up popped a dating site, Vietsingle.com. What the hey! I needed something to fill those cold winter nights -- about three to four months worth. Vietsingle seemed to be very active.

Main problem was, the posters  could speak no English whatsoever. So I endeavoured to work hard at translating some messages, figuring to practise a new language. I started to write   back in Vietnamese, with help from a work colleague. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted  in terms of communication. Learned a lot but was ultimately frustrated by original messages and responses written in an emailese Vietnamese. In other words, the girls  wrote without the vital diacritical marks, making it almost impossible for me to translate. I kept trying.

I focused on girls in their homeland. But I came across a girl from my own home city, which was pretty cool, I thought. She looked dynamite. Was mid-20s, and was well spoken and thoughtful in her biography, and subsequent emails, although they were written in that emailese. But at least it was in English.

Okay, I was out of my league here, being 50-something and I knew I wasn’t going to “land her”.  But I was genuinely curious why a Vietnamese beauty, educated and well spoken, put herself on a dating site, based in Vietnam.  Call me, oh, a bit of a newbie. In February 2008,  I had a refreshing exchange with her in some emails.  She asked me for my phone number.  She said she had deleted an earlier email and asked for it again. Thing is, I had never sent her my phone number. She could have mistaked me for someone else. Who cares! I sent her my number "again." And,  dammit it, if she didn’t phone me late one night as she was driving downtown to meet some girlfriends. She later sent a following email:

How r u? I justed wanted to tell u I had a very good conversation wit u the other day. Guess wat happened? My friends ditch me. I think they went in the club and either didn't hear the fone or they were caught up wit some guys. So mad ......... I still haven't talked to them yet but wen i do.....ughhhhhhh...........they're more than toast, they're BURNT toast!
Anyways how r things going 4 u? I've been thinking a lot about going to Viet NAm this summer. It's costing a lot of money and I don't know if i can afford to go. I hear that spending money in Viet Nam nowadays is even more than spending $$$ here. I'll have to rethink about this.
I hope we get a chance to talk to u again soon. TTYL

Soon we met and had lunch, at a Korean hotplate place in the north end of town. I thought about posting one of her photos from her Vietsingle bio but I don’t have permission and it’s just as well. Her bio photos were extremely professional. She looked stunning. In her car, when she picked me up from a subway stop, I compared her with her photos. The pictures made her lustrous, exotic, beautiful and wholly unnatural, it must be said. I was a bit disappointed, even though I’d been prepared for that eventuality. She was attractive enough. No problem, really, because the personality that came through her calls and emails was appealing enough.

That was the first and last time we met. During the ride and meal, she asked a number of leading questions about me and told me she looked after her ailing mother, went to college full-time and yearned to go to Vietnam. Don’t know how she could do that with her lack of funds. Oh, I get it . . . don’t you? Okay, that’s a bit cynical but maybe not. I’d already spent enough time in Thailand and Cambodia and Vietnam to know that under the white skin of a foreigner lies the colour of money.  And here it was again. But right here at home.

So here are a few observations and tips, gleaned from experiences on Vietsingle.com:

• Almost no one wrote in English and in many cases the girls wrote in email Vietnamese: no diacritics, making it impossible for a VN language newbie to figure out their messages. Even a Viet speaking friend had trouble translating some segments for me.
• Most of the posters were younger women, 18-26, many seeking partners of similar age.
• About half the girls did not post pictures, and some used fake or celebrity photos and some were out to “draw business” -- if you know what I mean?
• The site’s interface is plain and difficult to work with, but is still useful
• There seemed to be many VN girls in the United States and Canada looking for friends or mates, which was a bit of a surprise
•  The messaging system was  awkward and dodgy
•  The site managers check and approve bio’s and photos before posting
•  You can be a regular free member or gold card member, the latter gives you more direct communication with your candidate lady
• Vietsingle has thousands of male and female members
• Viet girls are a few years behind the calculating Thai and Chinese girls who outright seek a foreigner

Let's get down to brass tacks. What guy isn't looking for the love of his life? Do you let serendipity take its course or do you get, and I hate this word, if it is one, "proactive." The latter course can take numerous forms. One of the methods is to go to dating sites. That's what I'm dealing with now and in the next installment, featuring Chinese and Thai dating sites. After reading the next one, you may come to the same conclusion as I do. Let's see . . .

Brilliant reader story on Stickman -- Thai girls not so innocent

[Update: clarifications]

I've been reading Stickman again recently. It's kind of refreshing to go back to Stick's pages. He's a late-30s-early-40s New Zealander who's lived, partied and taught in Thailand for about 7 or 8 years, I believe. He writes a weekly column on local topics and issues, and rounds up the latest bar news and rumours. It's a very popular site as is his weekly column. He has fans and detractors. I'm a fan.

For a long time, while teaching, he had to filter out any bad language and soften the night life reports and reader submissions. He's recently quit teaching (on a high note, he reports) and I think it shows. The columns and reports have more life, as it were. Maybe it feels fresh to him too since he can take the gloves off, so to speak.

I just had to take up this subject because of the brilliant reader submission he published May 5, 2009. Fantasy and Reality by "Mega" (pen name). I think any newbies to Thailand MUST read this report and maybe, maybe, save yourself some heartaches and vast amounts of money. 

For the western mind, it would appear to have a searingly cynical streak throughout. But if you read it, understand what he's trying to say and commit it to memory, then the cynicism should eventually wash away and leave you with a greater appreciation for fantasy worlds. After all, think of how many Disney Worlds, Wonderlands and other such distractions do the same thing. Only this male fantasy world involves an entire country. 

I will have some remarks later, along the lines of, this guy is writing from his own perspective, which is not the only one. Yet a lot of the details and observations are bang on. First, do read the lengthy submission, which is written beautifully and has the pace of a hugely satisfying short story. 

Warning 1: To those suffering from extreme  political correctness and/or a western superiority complex, this may do you some good. Warning 2: The language is colourful. 

The piece is written in the framework of teacher and student. Here's a taste:

From Fantasy and Reality, Stickman, May 5, 2009

"Is there anything straight up in this country [Thailand]?"

"Not often. The truth is though that we, more often than not, end up the same way. That's just the way it is. You adapt to living in the environment you're in. If you don't, you'll get chewed up and spat out. That's why a lot of us that stay here for a long time can't go back to where we're from. We get used to living a life of sensory overload. The fantasy world of living life on the edge. The reality is it's got a lot to do with the beauty of these women here, they're almost addictive. The problem is, learning to control the situation so you can enjoy it but not have it spiral out of control."

Getting behind in my posts on Thailand

I have loads of stuff I still haven't written up and posted, such as tour of Pra Kanong district of Bangkok, with pix, plus train ride to Buriram from Bangkok, pix and post on ubiquitous Honda motorcycles,  pix of signs with sometimes hilarious English translations, and other bits.

I had planned to leave Bangkok earlier, about the end of January, but decided to take a Thai language course  before heading back to Surin. That kept me busy, with homework almost every night. Nightlife activities took the wind out of my sails, too. Soon, I realized that I needed to leave Bangkok and interrupt the flow.  Nightlife  caused me to delay some posts or not have time to  see things worth writing about.

Other things cauased me to delay my departure,  including a  realization that I hadn't left the country like I had planned and therefore satisfy one visa requirement. This meant I had to stay in Bangkok to report to immigration for my 90-day address report. Most higher-level visa holders have to leave the country every 90 days. I only had to report to immigration, but leaving and re-enering the country would have satisfied that regulation. (See earlier post.) Anyway, here I am, finally on my way through Isaan, northeastern Thailand.

And away from the Bangkok trap. For now.