Wise advice on relationships with Thai bar girls

 

The most striking thing to me about Thai bar girls is how genuinely nice many are. Don’t know whether it’s just dumb luck that I’ve met many polite, courteous, thoughtful, kind, generous ones. 

There have been few really outrageous ones, the kind that contribute to the sterotypes that "all bar girls"  are  ripoff artists, thieves,  cold hearted, poor  performers, mercenary and show utter disinterest in and even outright disgust for a customer (some deservedly so).

Yet, foreigners frequently meet and marry bar girls. I’ll note only one thing (oft repeated in Southeast Asia): you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl. Or can you? There are success stories despite the odds against.

But let’s not jump to marriage yet! Let's start off slowly with the relationship.

A good friend, Paul Spurrier, speaks pretty good Thai. It’s probably a natural result of living in Thailand for most of the last 11 years. Oh, and studying his ass off.

He’s in the entertainment business, and has directed, produced and distributed a well received film in Thai called P,  [Wikipedia film entry, Thai film journal entry, official film site]  which is the English phonetical translation from the Thai, ผี for “ghost.”

Paul [Wikipedia entry on Paul Spurrier]  was also director of photography for a Thai language TV series and an epic historical serial on the founding of the Thai nation. Pretty heady stuff for a foreigner to achieve.

You might say he knows a thing or two about the culture and the language and can shift into Thai at the drop of a “WELCOME!” from a Thai bar girl’s lips.

During his expat existence,  there were frequent visits to the Bangkok bar districts. Because of his Thai language proficiency, he could unearth a side of Thai bar girls’ lives unknown by the typical punter or tourist.

It is with not a little sympathy to the girls that Paul offers his advice on foreigner relationships with Thai bar girls, which he had written about a  year ago. It contains many grains of truth. Having  just reread it recently, I asked his permission to republish it:

• Don't risk any more than you are prepared to lose -- not only financially, but emotionally.
• If you have expectations, she will disappoint you. If you have none, she will constantly surprise you.
• Accept that you probably have never been as poor as she has, and that you can never really understand how that affects someone.
• Understand that due to everything she has been through, in the West she would almost certainly qualify for free psychotherapy -- and she may need it.
• Understand that she probably will never love you as much as her parents, and that she will always choose them over you, if made to decide.
• If you dump her, your life won't change that much. Hers will change utterly.
• Her jealousy may be a nuisance to you, but it is a greater burden to her.
• If you want her to love you for more than just your money, you have to be able to offer more than just money.
• If it doesn't work and you split up, it doesn't mean the relationship was a failure -- it was just a temporary success..
• Ignore all advice about dating bar girls.

Advice by Paul Spurrier (Page top photo by Paul Spurrier)
who is on Facebook and has his own web page.

Intro by Siam Rick.

UPDATE: Paul recently completed an assignment to  photograph all the dancers at Long Gun and Rawhide go-go bars on Soi Cowboy, Bangkok and revise their websites. The sites have just re-opened. I'm sure you will appreciate the quality work. Here are links to Rawhide Lounge and Bar  and Long Gun Bar. 

 

Comments

[Siam.Rick]

1.

Thanks for stopping by Dboy.

Yes, you are right. If you invest some time, you may find a nice girl, because pickier is better in anything in life.

From what I see though, few farangs are looking for a "good girl" They just want a girl, any girl. And the girls will take just about any farang.

So the harder you have to work, the better the rewards. Hmmm, I think I'll put that up on a poster -)

[Dboy]

2.

I agree with the post. In addition, if you want success with one of these girls, learn how to filter them better. If you are on a 2-week deal in Pattaya then it's probably fine to find the most sultry and expensive pole dancer that Angelwich has to offer. But if you are a retiree, location-independent businessman (my situation), then you can afford to be more picky, will have access to better venues than the Walking Street crowd, and have the time to spend to go for higher quality. It's definitely worth it. Of course YOU have to be of higher quality too. If you weigh 100lbs more than you should, are covered in tattoos, and look like the typical PFI (Pattaya Farang Idiot), then you have no prayer of finding someone nice, because you aren't nice...it's as simple as that.

[Khon Kaen]

3.

Some pretty good advice on Bangkok bar girls - best advice would be to just use them for what they are there for - nightly rentals. Don't forget to pay them to leave.

[Siam.Rick]

4.

Cat, I do think Isaan girls are pretty nice overall; they just have to do anything they can to feed a family, or several and that means usually going to the night life business since they rarely have any education to boast about and they start a rung down due to their (darker) skin colour. The business frequently hardens them and they may become mercenary, which means many guys they meet get the not-so-nice girl. Which gives them a bad rep.

But any time I've been in Isaan, I've always been treated well, except by the tuk tuk mafia.

As for Spurrier, I shall contact him and ask if he would like to be interviewed, if this is what you mean? Will send email.

[Catherine Wentworth]

5.

Rick, I didn't know about Paul Spurrier so will track him down.

You mentioned how nice (some) bar girls are. Could it be down to their origins? Most come from Issan (am I correct?) and the people there are apparently warmer than Thais at this part of the country.

I got a taste of the differences when the Red Shirts were in BKK.

The Yellow Shirts ignored those I know documenting the protests (too busy talking to each other and talking on their mobiles).

But when I followed the Red Shirts for those weeks they cheered me on, offered a bite to eat plus bottles of cold water and cool towels to cool off (it was the hot season).

[Kevin V]

6.

Nice tips on keeping relationship with Thai girls.. I agree with the money part and how you have to respect her. Good stuff!

[Martyn]

7.

Rick I have got to say Paul's advice makes a lot of sense and there are some points in his list I hadn't even thought about. The psychotherapy point is absolutely spot on.

[Siam.Rick]

8.

You're welcome G. I will be buying the regular DVD once I get a player

[glenn]

9.

Thanks to the link to Paul's site! I was wondering where to find his Blu-ray Disc for P.