She’s not your girlfriend

Life in Thailand can be one long, glorious illusion if you have a taste for the night life. You can live with that if you have a firm mind and a lock on your emotions.

With your emotions and expectations in check, you must treat the girls with respect and fairness, for they do a job that will earn them money to send back home to their impoverished families. Both sides win. It's a thankless, socially frowned-upon  but necesary component of Thai society.

One can meet girls from all walks of life, of course, but most of those girls your humble blogging servant met were working bars, shops and restaurants, and most originated from Isaan, the poorest part of Thailand. The following compilation is based on  numerous personal experiences  during my first lengthy plunge into Bangkok life. I can't blame anyone but myself for any faulty judgement over the last five months.

So let the lessons begin! There you are in Thailand. Let's say you  meet someone "unlike any girl back home." She's very attractive, friendly, happy, spirited, eager to please, flexible, easy-going, quick with a kind gesture, focuses on your happiness, and has myriad other desirable characteristics. Not the least of which  can be the grace of her existence under family pressures. (Note the clever introduction of a subject for a forthcoming post.)

After a few outings and dates, you are weighing whether to ask her to be your girlfriend. In fact, she eventually asks you if you want to have a GF.

But you met her in a bar! Girls entering the bar business learn how to act. They learn to do things that make you feel better, having learned from their "sisters" in the bar. They, in fact, become Academy Award actresses.

Many foreign commentators in Thailand, resident expats and regular visitors to the Kingdom say that  Thai girls who make their way into the bar business  go through a change in personality that comes to dominate their day to day lives. What she becomes embodies the illusion of the Girl Friend Experience (GFE).

So it is with embarrassment and (hopefully) catharsis that I shower upon you my experiences, such that they might  help you determine whether your special bar girl can change into a "real girlfriend" and maybe even become a good wife. Here are more than a dozen Red Flag scenarios -- Red Flag means "run away" -- to learn from as you date your new Thai girlfriend and introduce her to your close friends:

• She often looks over your shoulder as she senses a foreigner walking into view. She’s not your girlfriend.
• She has the eerie ability to hear  mobile phone calls and messages, even when deep in her purse on the table. She frequently leaves your company to answer calls. She's not your girlfriend.
• She always runs out of mobile phone credits. She’s not your girlfriend.
• She goes out in daytime with full makeup and enough dressed-to-kill magic for a week of nights. She's not your girlfriend.
• If she's one and a half hours late, she's already been drinking. If she's one and a half hours early, she's already been drinking. She's not your girlfriend.
• She likes Soi Cowboy not because she dreams of a go-go dance career, but because she can drink all night. She's not your girlfriend.
• She orders drinks for her "friends" and puts them on your bill. She's not your girlfriend.
• She would rather party with her "sister" and drink till dawn than go home with you (perhaps showing good taste!). She's not your girlfriend.
• She passes out when you get her home. She's not your girlfriend.
• She slips from her chair and mounts your lap in front of your closest friends. Alternative scenario: she straddles you face to face. Either way, your friends are impressed. She's not your girlfriend.
• She goes to the toilet and doesn't reappear for some time. When you retrieve her, she's talking with some guy. Or she's spent the time puking in the toilet. She's not your girlfriend.
• She's been to Indi, Bali and Singapore and you haven't. She's not your girlfriend.
• In a quiet moment after some bedroom exercises, she asks if you will marry her. Next day she doesn't remember. She's not your girlfriend.
• Your foreigner buddies and Thai friends see Red Flags and tell you to be careful. You, meanwhile, can't even spell "red." She's not your girlfriend.
• And the one thing that is a guarantee that she's not your girlfriend: She goes out with her "friends" and "sisters" to the bars of Patpong, Cowboy, Nana, Soi 33, Asok Corner and Soi 22 beer bars. She's a bar girl. She's everybody's girlfriend.

If you're reading this in one of those bars,  don't expect to find a girlfriend.

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Written by Siam Rick and edited by Khun Miken.

Comments

[Chris]

1.

Classic Post!

[Siam.Rick]

2.

Of all those characteristics, "does not drink at all" is a key one, I think, Dboy. It says a lot about her overall character. I have found that a girl who likes to drink, not just watered down lady drinks but do all nighters at the disco, is going to be a hassle forever. Run away. If my GF doesn't drink, I am far less likely to drink or drink very little and, well, that saves a tonne of cash plus personal wear and tear.

Thanks for your good input, Dboy.

[Dboy]

3.

The example "signs" in the article are easy and obvious. These are not the type of bar girl that I ever involve myself with (perhaps I should, as it would be easier). What if you are with a girl, from a bar, who has never asked you to buy her a cellphone, wears little/no makeup, LIKES the fact that you are attending Thai language courses, when you go shopping for her she suggests going to the weekend market (instead of Central Festival), has never uttered the word "gold shop", has no tattoos (the way I play, I almost never take a girl home who has a tattoo), and doesn't drink at all. These girls are out there. Somewhat rare, but they do exist.

[Martyn]

4.

Rick I think a lot of the Academy Award actresses learned their lines from sleeping with married men who told them a pack of lies. The bar girls have a job to do and waiting months for Joe Soap to return from the UK, America or wherever doesn't feed mouths or buy school books.

Personally I think anyone who can't see through a bad bar girl after a couple of trips to Thailand should be put on the next plane home.

Good post and one dear to my heart.

[Siam.Rick]

5.

Hahaha, Talen, it is funny how we ignore the obvious and keep the illusion floating. I find I can keep illusions going for days or weeks, as in a recent case LOL. Just takes lots of practice!

[Siam.Rick]

6.

It is incredible how many of them there are. Astonishing, in fact. So, yeah, Matt, you will never run out as they get recycled.

[Talen]

7.

She is too my girlfriend...that guy she is always talking to and whispering I love you to is her father...he just speaks really really good English.

Great write up Rick maybe this will help a few guys new to the game.

[matt]

8.

Yes, but it works both ways with bargirls.
You can always recycle them as there are so many.