Canadian boys need to toughen up

It sounds rather harsh but I’m telling you this for your own protection: protection of self and protection of cash and other valuables.

[Photo note: Smiles everywhere and so there should be because everyone's having fun. This was taken in Chiang Mai several years ago. Photos just used to dress up this long, long post. You'll thank me for it later!]

One of the most amazing things about Thailand, for example, is the abundance of beautiful women,  and available women. There’s so many of them but particularly in Bangkok and some of the hot tourist destinations, such as the southern islands of Krabi, Phuket, Samui, Chang, plus such cities as Udon Thani and Chiang Mai. 

A fresh, young fellow from Vancouver or Montreal or Winnipeg or Halifax arrives in Thailand and can’t believe his  luck or his eyes.  Soon our Canadian newbie discovers he’s catching the eye of not a few young ladies. Older ones, too.  In the squares, the high-end malls, the main streets, the markets, the bars, even the online dating sites. Good for the ego. But stop!

You may have noticed I’m focusing on women. Frankly,  you’re going to have the most interactions with women. Whether bars, shops, markets or public transportation, women seem to populate the service industry to an extraodinarily high degree and fill the streets.

What I’m going to say though applies very much more to the people you will meet in the Thailand tourist centres and districts. This applies to just about any Southeast Asian country that's become a tourist magnet. Remember, too, that  you will be in a very poor country where people try to scratch out a living and if that means trying to make a baht from tourists, then so be it.

So let’s get down to some tips to avoid a very deep abyss. Below that I’ve included summaries and URL references to several stories of Canadians -- let's face it, they're all men -- who have tasted the bitterest lessons:

Do not fall in love: You’re only in Thailand for a few weeks. You do not understand the culture, you do not understand Thai girls. You do not understand the laws.  You’re in a very hot, exotic, sensual tropical paradise. Far from home. Nothing is what it seems. At all. On the surface, most things seem normal to western eyes, but you are gravely misreading the entire situation. First, get educated,  which means you will get  burned a bit. I have some small burn scars. Not fatal, however. But you’ll need to conduct your research over several visits.

Yes, Thai girls make wonderful companions, they’re very beautiful, sensuous, and frankly make wonderful wives, from what I’ve read  But you don’t know anything about the girl you just met, or her condition. For example,   more experienced and talented girls know exactly what to tell a foreigner to gain sympathy and that love connection.  Ultimately, it’s all about the money for them. Brand that into your brain. I’m talking here about the players who can come from any level of society, although a significant proportion of players come from the poorest region, called Isaan,  a group of 13 provinces in the northeast of Thailand. Why? Because playing foreigners in the romance game is one way of gaining a huge amount of cash for little effort, in the shortest amount of time. Sometimes multiple streams of cash for foreigners dumb enough to send money from afar. See below.

Do not ignore red flags: In Thailand,  you will come across all extremes of people. I know, I know, you’ve heard that it's the Land of Smiles. It’s largely true. I’ve met some wonderful Thai people who went out of their way to help me in so many ways, big and small. (See link below to a previous post.) That’s been the majority of my experiences there.

But you have to be aware those smiles  can hide many things. They can distract you from some important  messages. Watch the body language, the tone of voice, the overall demeanour, the reflections in the nearby mirror or store window, the reactions  on the face of nearby Thais behind the counter or sitting on a stool at a food vendor, the walk down the shop aisle, the touch of a girlfriend and yes, the exchange of smiles between Thais is like a secret foreign language.

I’m not saying you have to analyze every moment and distille the messages to an essence -- just don't ignore the messages from the faint, sometimes, pulsing red flags that start to invade your consciousness:

'She seems to be calculating our shopping trip rather than enjoying the moment."

"At the  night market shop, she was testing me to see if I’d buy her that more expensive  Buddha medallion.

"Last night she seemed to rush through the meal.

"When we got home her ‘friend’ called. 

"This morning she didn’t answer her mobile.

"She said a couple of times she likes to travel.

"Lately she’s been asking me questions about back home. ‘Where do I live?’ ‘Do you have a car?’ ‘What do you do?’

You will be tested. She will test you to see how far she can manipulate you for whatever agenda she has cooked up in her mind. If you keep giving time and money and gifts, they won't be enough. You'll find you have to keep upping your level of generosity. Sometimes it seems, by her reactions, you can't give enough. You should have jumped the train long before this.

My reaction? Run. Don’t look back! Change your mobile phone number! Maybe even your hotel. You are being set up for a short-term or long term function, whose abbreviation is ATM.

Do not give money: Would you give money to a complete stranger back home? Highly unlikely. So why do it in Thailand. Have a response to a request for financial help already prepared in your head. “I won’t receive any money for a while so I can’t.” Don’t be exact about when or how much. Just keep in mind: Never. If that deflates the asker, good! The problem will likely go away soon and you’ll be better off for it. So if you are asked directly for money, you are being set up. See above, Run!

Do not send money: If you leave on good terms and feel you want to help out her impoverished family, Do Not! You’ve only met this person a week or two ago and you’re thinking of wiring her money?  If she convinced you, how do you know she hasn’t hooked two or three or four other guys? She may be getting 20,000 to 50,000 baht a month. In Thailand, that’s a lot of money considering a store clerk earns 4000 or 5000 baht a month. If she asks, just point blank say you will not. She disrespected you and herself by asking. That says enough about her character right there. When you leave, make it a positive goodbye, as in, hope to see you next time, etc. But stop there. I repeat: Do Not Send Money. Ever.

Do not be a pussy: Here’s where I’m going to be insensitive to my fellow Canadians. You’re too damned nice. It’s probably the same back home but you let women walk all over you. Since I live in Toronto (soon to be past tense . . .), I’ll refer to its citizens only . It’s full of very cool dudes, a lot of nice guys, easy going, good demeanours, generous, good-hearted guys. But you’ve got too much of one thing going for you. You need to rediscover your tougher male hide. And then find the balance.

I have two extreme examples to tell you about, how two Canadian guys in Thailand were victimized. As well, a well known Bangkok columnist and former Canadian cop express their shock at  the ease with which Canadian men become victims. All recent stories.

The first is a very, very sad story. From all media and online reports, Dale Henry from  Calgary was just a super guy, kind and generous to a fault.  He worked the oil rigs and always went back to his Thai wife and her village every chance he got. He loved her. He lavished cash and gifts on her and the family. He took care of her in his will and made her the beneficiary of his company’s life insurance coverage. One day police found him shot dead. His wife had hired a hitman who did the deed while Dale Henry slept in bed. All of this information is in the Thai public records. The perpetrators were caught, charged and convicted, which in and of itself is surprising blessing. Meanwhile, the wife and co-conspirators had drained Dale Henry’s bank accounts.

The second is the story of a Canadian man who writes under the nickname of Tom on the  popular website, Stickman’s Bangkok. Tom reveals the entire  sordid tale, leaving no self-incriminating moments out. He was sucked dry again and again -- by the same girl -- in a series of abominable lies and deceptions. Each time he fell for her claims of innocence and love. It’s a really long story but I couldn’t stop reading it and then I felt like vomiting. The guy went so deep I’m amazed he could pulled himself out after about the seventh calamity. He writes: “I could have kept this story to myself, but that would be a waste of a good lesson for others.”

Stickman has received so many reports of Canadians falling victim to players that he moved to ask several times, what is wrong with Canadians?  Stickman is a nom de plum for a 40-ish New Zealander married to a Thai woman. He has about a dozen years of experience in Thailand and consequently speaks almost fluent Thai. He writes at the end of a reader submission, Aug. 21, 2009:

“There is something I have to say here and please to all you Canadians, don't take offence.  I have found the Canadians to be a great bunch, friendly and for the most part they have given me a great impression of their country to the point it is a place I'd like to visit.  But man oh man, when you read these "Thai girl did me wrong" stories it is invariably the Canadians who get hit hardest.  Countless times it is the poor Canadian.  I have no idea why that is, but there is a definite trend!”

Last, just recently, a Canadian policeman, retired after 37 years, submitted an article to Stickman signing it John the Cop.  It starts:  “When Canadian men go to Thailand, for some reason they become the victims of the most ridiculous scams.”

In a nutshell, smile, be kind, easy-going,  but there's no need to be  an ass or  set any traps. Let the evidence come to you. It inevitably will. Red flags? Then bail!

I rest my case.

LINKS:

• Earlier post: Wonderful experience with Thai people
• Original thread about death of Dale Henry on Thaivisa.com
• Thread on court verdict  in Dale Henry case on Thaivisa.com
• Queen of Lies and Deception by Canadian victim Tom at Stickman
• Canadian policeman's view at Stickman

Comments

[Pattaya Girls]

1.

I don't think people fall in love on purpose it just happens :-)

maybe the best advice is to always act poor.

[Siam.Rick]

2.

Thanks Camille for your comments and for dropping by. Nice to have visitors from the south. I really have to get down to the islands and beaches. To my shame, I've never set foot in any of the well known beach areas.

[Camille]

3.

Hi Rick,

Good post on a topic that has not been completely 'milked', yet!
You give some advice and it keeps interested to see how many Westerners seem to check in their common sense at immigration upon entering Thailand.

It's not only canucks but all Western countries that deliver food that fill pages of stories where your advice was neglected.

Keep up the good work!

[Martyn]

4.

Rick I thought the Tiger girls photo might have been taken at the Centrepoint Night market but I wasn't sure. I guessed maybe there were a few similar places around Isaan. I can't say as I recognise the bar in the bottom photo but there are quite a few I've never been in. She sure is one pretty looking lady.

[Catherine]

5.

Rick, I'll ditto the others - it's a well written/researched post. I sometimes have guys visiting so I'll send them over to read your advice. Not all are Canadian mind you ;-)

[Siam.Rick]

6.

Martyn, the girl in the last picture was three years ago in your neck of the Udon woods. I think it was a Kiwi or Aussie bar, on the street at the T-junction with soi Sampan. It's the street that heads toward Charoen Complex. The Tiger girls worked in the Udon beer garden near the night market, near the train station. (I've shown this photo before heh, heh.)

Thanks for your qualifications and additions. I tried not to complicate things too much by adding office workers and shop girls and, the list goes on. But you're absolutely right about that and the fact there are a lot of very nice people in Thailand.

I could have written a huge post about each point but even I was getting bored by my own voice.

Yep, the gambling analogy works for me. You Canucks listen to Martyn!

[Martyn]

7.

Rick I counted four shots of eight stunning Thai girls, surely you could have made the post a little longer.

An excellent read with some solid advice of which the best and most important in my humble opinion is your opener Do Not Fall in Love.

It does pay to be on the lookout for tell tale signs with the girls but not just the bar workers. Many an office girl gets good monthly handouts from westerners abroad.

In defence of the Thai woman I'd like to make a couple of points.

"When we got home her ‘friend’ called"......Everybody has friends and they do call, the danger is when the talk has to be continuously conducted in private.

"This morning she didn’t answer her mobile."......If it's regular you have a problem but now and again, that's natural. I miss most calls to my mobile.

"She said a couple of times she likes to travel.".....It depends how big the hint is and how many miles the ticket stretches to. I've found a lot of Thai girls just want to travel around their own country and unfortunately they see the falang as the opportunity to do so.

"Lately she’s been asking me questions about back home. ‘Where do I live?’ ‘Do you have a car?’ ‘What do you do?’....Danger signs for sure but then if she didn't ask you could level that she has no interest in you apart from having a good time.

Rick I think this post is very informative, well written and a must read for any Thailand newbie, Canadian or otherwise.

I'd sum up the risk factor by saying that like gambling when it comes to Thailand only put in what you can afford to lose.

[Siam.Rick]

8.

Thanks very much, Boonsong.

But this is nothing. Go visit the websites of Catherine's Women Learning Thai (http://womenlearnthai.com/) or Talen's Thailand Land of Smiles (click on his name below . . .). Awesome stuff.

[Boonsong]

9.

Wow! Have you ever put a lot of work into putting this blog together - and it's been worth it. Great blog! Well done.

[Siam.Rick]

10.

Yep, those are some pretty girls. The one on the steps of Doi Suthep and with Chinese features, I met in Chiang Mai. She had a smile that would melt Arctic ice shelves and cause global warming. I'll never forget her. But alas, a player from a Loi Kroh Rd. bars.

I completely agree with your caveat. There are too many guys who go to Thailand with the worst of intentions and no respect for the girls at all. This is the part that makes me want to shoot first and ask questions later. Definitely a blog topic I intend to take up.

And thanks very much for the compliment.

[Talen]

11.

Rick, Firstly I have to say there are some stunning women in those pictures!

Excellent read, very well written and great advice for any man heading to Thailand. I've read similar tales of Americans being less than smart.

Another caveat would be to remember that not every expat is really your friend. There are many foreigners living in the land of smiles that have ulterior motives as well.